Let's Wear Our Clothes Until They Fall Off Our Body!

Last week our school had "Winter Carnival".  It is a fun day where the kids get to spend the day outdoors tubing, snow shoeing and other exciting winter activities.  Michael did not want to go.  I had no idea why he didn't want to go, except he said he would be too cold.  The day was actually up to the mid 40's and I thought it was a perfect day to go do this.  We sent him on the bus and off he went to "Winter Carnival".

I discover later in the week why he didn't want to go.  He was "too cold".  He really WAS cold, wet and miserable.  This was because he had gaping holes in the toes of his winter boots.  I was shocked at the state of these boots and wondered why he hadn't mentioned this fact to me.

"How long have you had these holes in your boots buddy?"  I ask him.

"A very long time." he responds.

He loves his Wal-mart winter boots from last year.  They have Spiderman on them.  They are comfortable and slip on.  He doesn't have to worry about tying shoes.  They are familiar.  I don't think he ever would have mentioned that they had holes in them as large as the Grand Canyon.  He would never mention this because of his autism.

We had this problem with Dale too (Chris's oldest son from his first marriage).  Dale would wear t-shirts until they were 3 sizes too small.  He would wear shoes that were too small on him.  He needed coaxing to actually change his underwear everyday.  So what is it with autistic kids and clothes?  I know it is partially a texture thing.  The clothes have to "feel right".  I also believe it is either something they don't notice because it isn't important (unless it feels funny) or it is familiar or routine to them.

I bought Michael a new shirt 3 weeks ago now.  It is still sitting in his drawer.  I have put it on "top" of the drawer every time I go in there to put away clothes.  I asked him, "Hey buddy?  Why haven't you worn your new shirt yet?"  He says, "Well I saw it, but I didn't know it was mine."

"What???????"

"Yes Buddy, that shirt is yours.  Mommy bought it for you.  It is nice and new and soft and has a hoodie like your other one...."

Has he worn it yet?  NOPE, NADA, NOT AT ALL.  He is so opposite of me.  As soon as I get a new item of clothing, I have to wear it the next day.  Not Michael!  We have to struggle to throw away old sweat pants that have holes in the knees.  The kid goes to school looking like a waif! Half the time he goes to school with floods on.   We have to slowly phase these things out so he doesn't notice.

So will my autistic son every be "sporting the latest fashion?"  I think not.  He might never do modeling for GQ, or probably ever getting a job that requires much more than sweat pants and hoodies, but I love him more than words can say.  He is definitely comfortable to say the least.

So is it texture?  Is it that new clothes just aren't that important?  Do autistic people just not notice these things, or are clothes so petty they are at the very bottom of their awareness level?  Whatever it is, it is definitely one of the many indicators that he is "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."

Many little blow ups? Or just one big one?

It has been quite a while since I've written about Michael and posted to my blog.  We have been quite busy, but since today is a snow day, I have time to get my thoughts down in writing.

We have had a pretty smooth couple of months, no major outbursts or strange idiosyncrasies to mention.  I have noticed that Michael has had the "mad face" quite often lately, and I feel like I'm always trying to avert a major blow up.  He has had an increasing amount of "little mad times", but I have been quick to distract him and take a detour before something major happens.

Ally said to me, "Is it good to constantly head him off at the pass?  Or should we actually let him have a major melt down?  Is he having many little outbursts because he really needs to let off steam and have a major blow up?"

She has a point.  We really should schedule an appointment up at the CHAD center.  He is suppose to go in at least once a year to check on how he is doing with his autism.  We haven't been up to CHAD since the end of his kindergarten year.  YIKES it has almost been two years since we've seen anybody.  This would be a good question to ask the doctors, and as soon as I'm done writing this blog I'm going to schedule an appointment.

One example of a "little mad time" was that we were sitting at the dinner table, and I noticed Michael is not eating and just has a big frown upon his face.  Many of the other adults were in conversation and I leaned over to Michael and said, "What's wrong Michael?  You look very mad."

"I am VERY MAD!"  he states.

"Why are you so mad Michael?"

"I am very, very MAD because you promised me that I could get the Wayside School books to read and we don't have ANY!" he yells.

I quickly come to the rescue by saying, "Michael, you haven't used your birthday gift card from your brother Dale, we can order those books right now."

Chris says, "Not right now, after dinner."
"Yes, yes", I reassure him, "Right after dinner!"

I have been like that for months now, trying to pacify him before anything "happens".  I feel like I have become the parent of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka.  I don't want to give in and I know I can't make everything easier for him.  I know that I should not be rescuing him all of the time.  I need to let Michael experience failure, and have him make his own successes. I can't be afraid of Michael blow ups, and maybe it is healthier that he has them.  

For those of you with kids somewhere on the spectrum, what is your opinion?  Is it better to have a big melt down?  Are many little "mads" leading up to a huge explosion?  Do any of you try to avert the blow ups by any means possible?  Have any of you been in this place of trying to pacify your child so nothing major happens?