It has been quite a while since I've written about Michael and posted to my blog. We have been quite busy, but since today is a snow day, I have time to get my thoughts down in writing.
We have had a pretty smooth couple of months, no major outbursts or strange idiosyncrasies to mention. I have noticed that Michael has had the "mad face" quite often lately, and I feel like I'm always trying to avert a major blow up. He has had an increasing amount of "little mad times", but I have been quick to distract him and take a detour before something major happens.
Ally said to me, "Is it good to constantly head him off at the pass? Or should we actually let him have a major melt down? Is he having many little outbursts because he really needs to let off steam and have a major blow up?"
She has a point. We really should schedule an appointment up at the CHAD center. He is suppose to go in at least once a year to check on how he is doing with his autism. We haven't been up to CHAD since the end of his kindergarten year. YIKES it has almost been two years since we've seen anybody. This would be a good question to ask the doctors, and as soon as I'm done writing this blog I'm going to schedule an appointment.
One example of a "little mad time" was that we were sitting at the dinner table, and I noticed Michael is not eating and just has a big frown upon his face. Many of the other adults were in conversation and I leaned over to Michael and said, "What's wrong Michael? You look very mad."
"I am VERY MAD!" he states.
"Why are you so mad Michael?"
"I am very, very MAD because you promised me that I could get the Wayside School books to read and we don't have ANY!" he yells.
I quickly come to the rescue by saying, "Michael, you haven't used your birthday gift card from your brother Dale, we can order those books right now."
Chris says, "Not right now, after dinner."
"Yes, yes", I reassure him, "Right after dinner!"
I have been like that for months now, trying to pacify him before anything "happens". I feel like I have become the parent of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. I don't want to give in and I know I can't make everything easier for him. I know that I should not be rescuing him all of the time. I need to let Michael experience failure, and have him make his own successes. I can't be afraid of Michael blow ups, and maybe it is healthier that he has them.
For those of you with kids somewhere on the spectrum, what is your opinion? Is it better to have a big melt down? Are many little "mads" leading up to a huge explosion? Do any of you try to avert the blow ups by any means possible? Have any of you been in this place of trying to pacify your child so nothing major happens?
I believe that what has been happing is that Michael is better at showing his feelings.
ReplyDeleteThings that really bother him are changes which are unexpected. The other night he wanted milk for dinner and he was given water. Other people were drinking soda and such but he and his sister got water.
This made him upset because he had told people he wanted milk and it "wasn't fair". He got very angry but didn't act out. He just sat and sulked.
Now yesterday he was going to be served water for dinner and we were anticipating a melt down or at least an unhappy time. But it was stopped because I asked him what the doctor had told him he should drink more of.
"Water" he says. "What do you think is in your cup?" "WATER!" he beams!
No melt down because he got exactly what he expected. It is change that seems to upset him.
I think that "pre-emptive" stuff is okay.. But sometimes, we do need to let him find his hole and dig it, then move forward on his own. I worry that if we don't let that happen now, then he'll never learn the coping techniques necessary to function in the real world when he's older. Dale comes to mind... I think going to "special ed school" really set him back by not having ANY expectations from him. I'm too far the other direction, I know, but maybe we can find something somewhere in the middle. ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I *did* call CHAD. They just haven't bothered to reply in 5 days. I'm kind of annoyed.