Having twins is a blessing, but also challenging at the same time. Maybe it would be easier if they were both boys or both girls, but I have what I have and I am so happy to have my children. They are definitely a gift from God. These two are as different as night and day. Mikayla is the social butterfly. She thrives on playdates, being the center of attention and having a multitude of friends. Mikayla can make a life long friend visiting a museum, playing at the ocean or at a McDonald's PlayPlace. Mikayla can say the words, "Mommy I want a playdate!" Within an hour, she is playing at someone's house, invited for a sleepover, or has a friend coming over.
Michael tries so hard to have friends and make playdates with children. Yesterday we went to pick up our share from our wonderful CSA, and off Mikayla goes for 4 hours to play with the farmer's daughter. Michael wanted to go to, but since our friends have 2 girls of that play age, Michael had to stay in the car and go with mommy. As we were in the van doing errands, Michael wants to call this friend and that friend for a playdate. I hand him my phone, and he dials Lance (his best friend), but there is no answer. He dials Lance's number 4 times without leaving a message on the machine. I said, "Michael leave a message!" He says no and that he is sure they are just outside and will answer the phone. I told him that it is rude to call and call and call and never leave a message. So he decides to call his friend Joey. Joey is busy today. He calls his friend Brandon, but his mom is having company over for her birthday. She thankfully says, "Yes, Michael you can come over....... a week from today." He calls his friend Emily. NOTHING. He calls Alex, someone he likes but never really plays with. No answer.
"I'm sorry buddy," I say sympathetically. "Do you want to go grocery shopping with me? Or stay at home?" He decides to stay home. One of the adults in the house such as daddy, Ally, Tracy or Molly can watch him. As I pull out of the driveway he sits on his Big Wheel all alone in the driveway. My heart breaks for him.
Mikayla has had 5 sleepovers this summer. Michael had one. Mikayla had a playdate practically every week. Michael had 1 playdate all summer. I don't know if it is just easier for girls to have playdates, and boys just don't do that sort of thing? I don't know if his autism has made it difficult to really have a close friend, or the close friend that he does have (Lance) is just too busy with family things to really have playdates. I don't know. I can't tell.
I feel so sad everytime Mikayla goes trotting off to a friend's house, and tells Michael he can't come because he is a boy. I weep inside when Michael looks up at me and says, "Why can't I have a playdate too? Why won't my friends ever call me? Why won't anybody ever answer?" Since we don't have family out here on the East Coast, he can't play with any cousins. Since we live in kind of a rural area, it is harder to just walk next door and play with friends. I try so hard to help Michael find playdates. He REALLY wants to be social. He is so much more social than many of the other children who have autism. I love him so much, I just wish it was easier to make friends Somewhere Over the Spectrum.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Rainy Wednesday Post
Hi Everybody!
It has been a long time since I've written on the blog. I look at the last date....WOW, I haven't written since March! It is a rainy day here on the East Coast and I've just dropped the twins off at S.A.I.L camp. This is a camp for kids that may be chosen for the Gifted and Talented program. I guess they are showing potential. Michael is considered a "Special, Special". This means that even though he has an IEP and is in special ed. (mostly for speech, but a bit for his autism and behavior), and he is special in that he has a "math brain". He can solve puzzles mazes, and math problems with ease. He doesn't think like a typical person, hence the term "Special-Special". He qualifies for both special education and he might qualify for the Gifted and Talented Program.
This S.A.I.L camp (and I don't remember what the acronym stands for) is only for one week this summer. Michael has chosen the "Checkmate" class and a "Legos" class. He is enjoying both of these immensely. He even went with the flow of things when we were late one day because of a swim meet in the morning. The GT teacher said that he just worked with another student to create a chess set, and didn't have any issues or upset meltdowns. I was so proud of him.
Michael's swimming seems to be going very well. Swimming is truly a sport for autistic children. He can excel! The first few practices were difficult because he had moved to the more experienced lane. He was the youngest of 9 kids in this lane. He kept getting kicked and splashed because there were so many practicing in this lane. He had a few issues and grumpily sat out for a little bit. He then went back over to lane 6 (the lane for beginners), but that wasn't any good! He soon discovered that he is way faster than all of the 8 and unders. Even though he is still 8, he belongs in the more advanced lane. Michael continues to be very enthusiastic about swimming. He can't wait to go, even when we have to wake up at 5:45 AM to get to practice by 6:15. He has won every race he has been in. I told him, "Buddy, next year won't be like that, you will be moving up to the 9 and 10 year old races." He still wants to do his best and get better. I am very happy that he has found a sport that he can call his own.
Our summer is going pretty well. I can't believe that half of our summer is over. I hope everyone else is doing well and that they are successfully managing their paths Somewhere Over the Spectrum.
It has been a long time since I've written on the blog. I look at the last date....WOW, I haven't written since March! It is a rainy day here on the East Coast and I've just dropped the twins off at S.A.I.L camp. This is a camp for kids that may be chosen for the Gifted and Talented program. I guess they are showing potential. Michael is considered a "Special, Special". This means that even though he has an IEP and is in special ed. (mostly for speech, but a bit for his autism and behavior), and he is special in that he has a "math brain". He can solve puzzles mazes, and math problems with ease. He doesn't think like a typical person, hence the term "Special-Special". He qualifies for both special education and he might qualify for the Gifted and Talented Program.
This S.A.I.L camp (and I don't remember what the acronym stands for) is only for one week this summer. Michael has chosen the "Checkmate" class and a "Legos" class. He is enjoying both of these immensely. He even went with the flow of things when we were late one day because of a swim meet in the morning. The GT teacher said that he just worked with another student to create a chess set, and didn't have any issues or upset meltdowns. I was so proud of him.
Our summer is going pretty well. I can't believe that half of our summer is over. I hope everyone else is doing well and that they are successfully managing their paths Somewhere Over the Spectrum.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
How Long Does It Take to Eat a Waffle? ....The World May Never Know!
It's Saturday morning, the day I always make pancakes and bacon for the family. Sometimes I make my home-made waffles, but that always takes some extra steps. Chris wanted waffles this morning, so I was happy to do so. My home-made waffles are really the best, they are such a treat. The first waffles come out and Chris and Mikayla nab the first block of 4. Michael comes running to the table eager to get his waffles, but that batch isn't ready yet. The next batch of waffles come out, UH OH! Two of the four waffle have the edges not fully formed. The batter did not spread all the way to the edge. I can't serve these two defected waffles to Michael, but luckily the other two will pass muster.
I put the waffles on the plate in front of Michael with his favorite Log Cabin syrup without high fructose corn syrup. (High Fructose Corn Syrup totally puts Michael into major autism-land). I go back to fixing more waffles and turning over the bacon. I get another batch of waffles and bacon ready to bring to the dining room table and as I come in, here is Michael with the syrup. He is putting exactly ONE drop of syrup in each of the little square holes. He is meticulously dropping one little golden drop of sweetness into each tiny square. He is completely focused and I just smile and think to myself, "There he goes, my sweet autistic boy!"
I go back to the kitchen to get yet another batch of waffles and come back to find he has finished putting the droplets of syrup into each individual hole. Did you know that there are 36 squares in a typical home-made waffle? Did you know that it is a square number? How perfect is that right? Now did you know that my son started doing some division here??!! Yes a waffle during breakfast is a total MATH lesson. Now Michael is slowly and carefully cutting up his waffles. He is taking so long that Mikayla and Chris have long left the table while he is cutting the waffle into a perfect 4 square section block in order to eat his waffles. I said, "Michael, let me help you cut this buddy!" He almost panicked as I pulled over the knife. "MOMMY! You must cut them into fours!"
I had to slow down and think, "Huh? What are you saying buddy?" He then pointed to all of the other pieces that he had cut. Sure enough he was cutting the 36 little squares into sections that had 4 perfect squares inside of them.
"Mommy! I need them in fours and I will have 9 pieces to eat." Michael exclaims. Yes, 36 divided by 4 equals 9. So I oblige and start cutting up his waffles to his specifications. He looks up and me and says, "Isn't that cool mommy?"
I agree that is is "cool" and then I also say. "Yes Michael that is cool, and that is very autistic of you!" When he does something that is more spectrummy than the norm, we have started to point this out to him. We don't admonish him in any way, we just point it out so he can realize that he is doing something that a "norm" might not do. I do think it is cool, his math mind is working all of the time. He has an amazing mind and is super smart. I think it is good to make him aware of the times he is being more autistic. I think this will help when others might get frustrated with him, I am hoping that he will say to himself, "Oh, I'm doing this, this is an autistic thing....people that do not have autism wouldn't do it this way. Maybe that is why they are frustrated with me." I am hoping that he can get to this self-actualization.
In the meantime, "How Long Does It Take to Eat a Waffle?" Perhaps it takes twice as long when you live Somewhere Over the Spectrum!
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| This is definitely NOT Michael's waffle, it only has 2 squares left! |
I put the waffles on the plate in front of Michael with his favorite Log Cabin syrup without high fructose corn syrup. (High Fructose Corn Syrup totally puts Michael into major autism-land). I go back to fixing more waffles and turning over the bacon. I get another batch of waffles and bacon ready to bring to the dining room table and as I come in, here is Michael with the syrup. He is putting exactly ONE drop of syrup in each of the little square holes. He is meticulously dropping one little golden drop of sweetness into each tiny square. He is completely focused and I just smile and think to myself, "There he goes, my sweet autistic boy!"
I go back to the kitchen to get yet another batch of waffles and come back to find he has finished putting the droplets of syrup into each individual hole. Did you know that there are 36 squares in a typical home-made waffle? Did you know that it is a square number? How perfect is that right? Now did you know that my son started doing some division here??!! Yes a waffle during breakfast is a total MATH lesson. Now Michael is slowly and carefully cutting up his waffles. He is taking so long that Mikayla and Chris have long left the table while he is cutting the waffle into a perfect 4 square section block in order to eat his waffles. I said, "Michael, let me help you cut this buddy!" He almost panicked as I pulled over the knife. "MOMMY! You must cut them into fours!"
I had to slow down and think, "Huh? What are you saying buddy?" He then pointed to all of the other pieces that he had cut. Sure enough he was cutting the 36 little squares into sections that had 4 perfect squares inside of them.
"Mommy! I need them in fours and I will have 9 pieces to eat." Michael exclaims. Yes, 36 divided by 4 equals 9. So I oblige and start cutting up his waffles to his specifications. He looks up and me and says, "Isn't that cool mommy?"
I agree that is is "cool" and then I also say. "Yes Michael that is cool, and that is very autistic of you!" When he does something that is more spectrummy than the norm, we have started to point this out to him. We don't admonish him in any way, we just point it out so he can realize that he is doing something that a "norm" might not do. I do think it is cool, his math mind is working all of the time. He has an amazing mind and is super smart. I think it is good to make him aware of the times he is being more autistic. I think this will help when others might get frustrated with him, I am hoping that he will say to himself, "Oh, I'm doing this, this is an autistic thing....people that do not have autism wouldn't do it this way. Maybe that is why they are frustrated with me." I am hoping that he can get to this self-actualization.
In the meantime, "How Long Does It Take to Eat a Waffle?" Perhaps it takes twice as long when you live Somewhere Over the Spectrum!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Code Spectrum: Not Responding
During the last two months I have seen a huge decline in Michael's ability to respond to people. His communication has gone down dramatically, so much so that I am extremely concerned. Other people have pointed this out to me as well. A few weeks ago we went with our neighbor (the twins affectionately call her "Miss Lori") to the movies. Before the previews even turned on, Lori started talking to Michael, granted Michael was sitting directly in front of her, I was sitting on Michael's left side, but he did not respond to her. She tried again, got his attention, tapped him on the shoulder and he finally turned around but stared right through her. After she asked him a question he still didn't really respond and I had to prompt him again. After the movie was over Lori stated that she was really worried about him, and now I am seeing more of this deterioration of communication.
Two months ago he had an ear infection. He got on an antibiotic and I figured the problem was solved. A few weeks after that he complained about wax in his ear. I do not use Q-tips generally because he had a blockage of ear wax when he was three, and the pediatrician said, "DO NOT USE Q-TIPS!" So I have avoided them for years, but this time I gently used one and out came a huge strand of wax. Ok, I thought, maybe he is having hearing problems. Maybe he has major wax build up again.
One morning Michael came into the bedroom and cuddled with Chris and I. Michael's head was on the pillow and I was talking to him. My mouth was not more than 15 inches from his face. He could see me talking and asking him questions. He did not respond. Since my background and undergrad. degree is in Deaf and hard of hearing, I immediately did the Ling Sound Check with him. He seemed to not respond to high frequencies (th, sh) sounds. I definitely think we need to get him in for a hearing check, but on top of that he just seems to be in his own world in general. Usually Michael requires wait time when we talk to him. He has to think and does not respond as quickly as a normal kid would respond. Yet this wait time" seems to have been tripled during the last few weeks.
His teacher has even noticed that Michael doesn't seem to be "hearing" right. I guess the other day she gave directions and he went back to his seat and put a big question mark on his paper. I'm glad she brought it up to me because now I KNOW I am not imaging this. Is there a hearing issue? Is he just becoming more "autistic"? I remember when I did my student teaching for Deaf and Hard of Hearing, I was working in a preschool and they had brought in this child who wasn't communicating. It turns out he did not have a hearing loss in any way shape or form, he was autistic. We started teaching him sign language anyway, but he was soon moved to a different school ....to a different program. When I first met my husband twelve years ago, they had diagnosed Dale as autistic, but the question of "Does he have a hearing loss?" constantly surfaced. Dale never seemed to "hear" what we were saying, sometimes he didn't respond. I know from past experience that sometimes an autistic kid does NOT want to answer you. Sometimes they are totally entrenched in their own thoughts it doesn't occur to them that someone else is even in the room. Michael is so high functioning that this hasn't been a problem before, it has been barely noticeable. Is he taking a turn for the worse?
We tried for the last 4 weeks to get an appointment up at CHAD Dartmouth Hitchcock in Lebanon. This is where he was first diagnosed by Dr. Mott and Ellen Cavanaugh. Dr. Cavanaugh moved away and Dr. Mott is left up there. The CHAD center never called us back. Ally left 4 messages, I left 2. Finally I told Ally the other day, to just hit "I am a Doctor" button. She finally got through, and they claimed that we had never called there and that there was no one who called from our household. :(
Then they tell my husband who called later that day that Michael was NOT A PATIENT there and we would have to go get another referral! WHAT?? So we missed last year's yearly check up for his autism, so now we are totally erased from the books?? So now he has an appointment somewhere else and hopefully we can find out what is going on with this little guy. We need to find if he is getting lost, Somewhere Over the Spectrum.
Two months ago he had an ear infection. He got on an antibiotic and I figured the problem was solved. A few weeks after that he complained about wax in his ear. I do not use Q-tips generally because he had a blockage of ear wax when he was three, and the pediatrician said, "DO NOT USE Q-TIPS!" So I have avoided them for years, but this time I gently used one and out came a huge strand of wax. Ok, I thought, maybe he is having hearing problems. Maybe he has major wax build up again.
One morning Michael came into the bedroom and cuddled with Chris and I. Michael's head was on the pillow and I was talking to him. My mouth was not more than 15 inches from his face. He could see me talking and asking him questions. He did not respond. Since my background and undergrad. degree is in Deaf and hard of hearing, I immediately did the Ling Sound Check with him. He seemed to not respond to high frequencies (th, sh) sounds. I definitely think we need to get him in for a hearing check, but on top of that he just seems to be in his own world in general. Usually Michael requires wait time when we talk to him. He has to think and does not respond as quickly as a normal kid would respond. Yet this wait time" seems to have been tripled during the last few weeks.
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| Michael building earthquake proof buildings at the Space Center |
We tried for the last 4 weeks to get an appointment up at CHAD Dartmouth Hitchcock in Lebanon. This is where he was first diagnosed by Dr. Mott and Ellen Cavanaugh. Dr. Cavanaugh moved away and Dr. Mott is left up there. The CHAD center never called us back. Ally left 4 messages, I left 2. Finally I told Ally the other day, to just hit "I am a Doctor" button. She finally got through, and they claimed that we had never called there and that there was no one who called from our household. :(
Then they tell my husband who called later that day that Michael was NOT A PATIENT there and we would have to go get another referral! WHAT?? So we missed last year's yearly check up for his autism, so now we are totally erased from the books?? So now he has an appointment somewhere else and hopefully we can find out what is going on with this little guy. We need to find if he is getting lost, Somewhere Over the Spectrum.
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| Michael and Mikayla at the Space Center |
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Let's Wear Our Clothes Until They Fall Off Our Body!
Last week our school had "Winter Carnival". It is a fun day where the kids get to spend the day outdoors tubing, snow shoeing and other exciting winter activities. Michael did not want to go. I had no idea why he didn't want to go, except he said he would be too cold. The day was actually up to the mid 40's and I thought it was a perfect day to go do this. We sent him on the bus and off he went to "Winter Carnival".
I discover later in the week why he didn't want to go. He was "too cold". He really WAS cold, wet and miserable. This was because he had gaping holes in the toes of his winter boots. I was shocked at the state of these boots and wondered why he hadn't mentioned this fact to me.
"How long have you had these holes in your boots buddy?" I ask him.
"A very long time." he responds.
He loves his Wal-mart winter boots from last year. They have Spiderman on them. They are comfortable and slip on. He doesn't have to worry about tying shoes. They are familiar. I don't think he ever would have mentioned that they had holes in them as large as the Grand Canyon. He would never mention this because of his autism.
We had this problem with Dale too (Chris's oldest son from his first marriage). Dale would wear t-shirts until they were 3 sizes too small. He would wear shoes that were too small on him. He needed coaxing to actually change his underwear everyday. So what is it with autistic kids and clothes? I know it is partially a texture thing. The clothes have to "feel right". I also believe it is either something they don't notice because it isn't important (unless it feels funny) or it is familiar or routine to them.
I bought Michael a new shirt 3 weeks ago now. It is still sitting in his drawer. I have put it on "top" of the drawer every time I go in there to put away clothes. I asked him, "Hey buddy? Why haven't you worn your new shirt yet?" He says, "Well I saw it, but I didn't know it was mine."
"What???????"
"Yes Buddy, that shirt is yours. Mommy bought it for you. It is nice and new and soft and has a hoodie like your other one...."
Has he worn it yet? NOPE, NADA, NOT AT ALL. He is so opposite of me. As soon as I get a new item of clothing, I have to wear it the next day. Not Michael! We have to struggle to throw away old sweat pants that have holes in the knees. The kid goes to school looking like a waif! Half the time he goes to school with floods on. We have to slowly phase these things out so he doesn't notice.
So will my autistic son every be "sporting the latest fashion?" I think not. He might never do modeling for GQ, or probably ever getting a job that requires much more than sweat pants and hoodies, but I love him more than words can say. He is definitely comfortable to say the least.
So is it texture? Is it that new clothes just aren't that important? Do autistic people just not notice these things, or are clothes so petty they are at the very bottom of their awareness level? Whatever it is, it is definitely one of the many indicators that he is "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."
I discover later in the week why he didn't want to go. He was "too cold". He really WAS cold, wet and miserable. This was because he had gaping holes in the toes of his winter boots. I was shocked at the state of these boots and wondered why he hadn't mentioned this fact to me.
"How long have you had these holes in your boots buddy?" I ask him.
"A very long time." he responds.
He loves his Wal-mart winter boots from last year. They have Spiderman on them. They are comfortable and slip on. He doesn't have to worry about tying shoes. They are familiar. I don't think he ever would have mentioned that they had holes in them as large as the Grand Canyon. He would never mention this because of his autism.
We had this problem with Dale too (Chris's oldest son from his first marriage). Dale would wear t-shirts until they were 3 sizes too small. He would wear shoes that were too small on him. He needed coaxing to actually change his underwear everyday. So what is it with autistic kids and clothes? I know it is partially a texture thing. The clothes have to "feel right". I also believe it is either something they don't notice because it isn't important (unless it feels funny) or it is familiar or routine to them.
I bought Michael a new shirt 3 weeks ago now. It is still sitting in his drawer. I have put it on "top" of the drawer every time I go in there to put away clothes. I asked him, "Hey buddy? Why haven't you worn your new shirt yet?" He says, "Well I saw it, but I didn't know it was mine."
"What???????"
"Yes Buddy, that shirt is yours. Mommy bought it for you. It is nice and new and soft and has a hoodie like your other one...."
Has he worn it yet? NOPE, NADA, NOT AT ALL. He is so opposite of me. As soon as I get a new item of clothing, I have to wear it the next day. Not Michael! We have to struggle to throw away old sweat pants that have holes in the knees. The kid goes to school looking like a waif! Half the time he goes to school with floods on. We have to slowly phase these things out so he doesn't notice.
So will my autistic son every be "sporting the latest fashion?" I think not. He might never do modeling for GQ, or probably ever getting a job that requires much more than sweat pants and hoodies, but I love him more than words can say. He is definitely comfortable to say the least.
So is it texture? Is it that new clothes just aren't that important? Do autistic people just not notice these things, or are clothes so petty they are at the very bottom of their awareness level? Whatever it is, it is definitely one of the many indicators that he is "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Many little blow ups? Or just one big one?
It has been quite a while since I've written about Michael and posted to my blog. We have been quite busy, but since today is a snow day, I have time to get my thoughts down in writing.
We have had a pretty smooth couple of months, no major outbursts or strange idiosyncrasies to mention. I have noticed that Michael has had the "mad face" quite often lately, and I feel like I'm always trying to avert a major blow up. He has had an increasing amount of "little mad times", but I have been quick to distract him and take a detour before something major happens.
Ally said to me, "Is it good to constantly head him off at the pass? Or should we actually let him have a major melt down? Is he having many little outbursts because he really needs to let off steam and have a major blow up?"
She has a point. We really should schedule an appointment up at the CHAD center. He is suppose to go in at least once a year to check on how he is doing with his autism. We haven't been up to CHAD since the end of his kindergarten year. YIKES it has almost been two years since we've seen anybody. This would be a good question to ask the doctors, and as soon as I'm done writing this blog I'm going to schedule an appointment.
One example of a "little mad time" was that we were sitting at the dinner table, and I noticed Michael is not eating and just has a big frown upon his face. Many of the other adults were in conversation and I leaned over to Michael and said, "What's wrong Michael? You look very mad."
"I am VERY MAD!" he states.
"Why are you so mad Michael?"
"I am very, very MAD because you promised me that I could get the Wayside School books to read and we don't have ANY!" he yells.
I quickly come to the rescue by saying, "Michael, you haven't used your birthday gift card from your brother Dale, we can order those books right now."
Chris says, "Not right now, after dinner."
"Yes, yes", I reassure him, "Right after dinner!"
I have been like that for months now, trying to pacify him before anything "happens". I feel like I have become the parent of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. I don't want to give in and I know I can't make everything easier for him. I know that I should not be rescuing him all of the time. I need to let Michael experience failure, and have him make his own successes. I can't be afraid of Michael blow ups, and maybe it is healthier that he has them.
For those of you with kids somewhere on the spectrum, what is your opinion? Is it better to have a big melt down? Are many little "mads" leading up to a huge explosion? Do any of you try to avert the blow ups by any means possible? Have any of you been in this place of trying to pacify your child so nothing major happens?
We have had a pretty smooth couple of months, no major outbursts or strange idiosyncrasies to mention. I have noticed that Michael has had the "mad face" quite often lately, and I feel like I'm always trying to avert a major blow up. He has had an increasing amount of "little mad times", but I have been quick to distract him and take a detour before something major happens.
Ally said to me, "Is it good to constantly head him off at the pass? Or should we actually let him have a major melt down? Is he having many little outbursts because he really needs to let off steam and have a major blow up?"
She has a point. We really should schedule an appointment up at the CHAD center. He is suppose to go in at least once a year to check on how he is doing with his autism. We haven't been up to CHAD since the end of his kindergarten year. YIKES it has almost been two years since we've seen anybody. This would be a good question to ask the doctors, and as soon as I'm done writing this blog I'm going to schedule an appointment.
One example of a "little mad time" was that we were sitting at the dinner table, and I noticed Michael is not eating and just has a big frown upon his face. Many of the other adults were in conversation and I leaned over to Michael and said, "What's wrong Michael? You look very mad."
"I am VERY MAD!" he states.
"Why are you so mad Michael?"
"I am very, very MAD because you promised me that I could get the Wayside School books to read and we don't have ANY!" he yells.
I quickly come to the rescue by saying, "Michael, you haven't used your birthday gift card from your brother Dale, we can order those books right now."
Chris says, "Not right now, after dinner."
"Yes, yes", I reassure him, "Right after dinner!"
I have been like that for months now, trying to pacify him before anything "happens". I feel like I have become the parent of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka. I don't want to give in and I know I can't make everything easier for him. I know that I should not be rescuing him all of the time. I need to let Michael experience failure, and have him make his own successes. I can't be afraid of Michael blow ups, and maybe it is healthier that he has them.
For those of you with kids somewhere on the spectrum, what is your opinion? Is it better to have a big melt down? Are many little "mads" leading up to a huge explosion? Do any of you try to avert the blow ups by any means possible? Have any of you been in this place of trying to pacify your child so nothing major happens?
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Rigid, Inflexible Thinking
The other day Michael's teacher came to my room to tell me about a little incident. She was in a meeting, so she didn't witness it firsthand, but the Title 1 teacher that works with second grade did witness it. Michael has a new boy in his class. Many of the classes are given a number at the beginning of the year. Your number is because of alphabetical order. For example Michael is number 4, because his last name is Johnson. There are only 3 other students with last names that are before letter J. Michael has number 4 on his crayon container, and he lines up as the fourth student in line no matter where they go.
The new boy enters the picture, with a last name that starts with a letter before Michael's "J". Instead of moving everyone down a number (telling Michael he is now number 5 instead of number 4), they give the new boy #16. This is suppose to help so everyone after the new boy doesn't have to change his number. So in Michael's mind, #16 is at the end of the line, so the new boy needs to line up at the end. This is not the case because they still put the new kid ahead of Michael because of alphabetical order.
Make sense so far?
Well, not to Michael. For an autistic child who thrives on order, this is totally wrong. If the kid is number 16, he should be at the back of the line. So Michael said this. He got mad. Then he said, "And he is black so he needs to go to the end of the line!" WHOA! Wait a minute! Our family is practically the most culturally diverse family around. We expose the children to all religions, different cultures and there really isn't a prejudice bone in any of our body. So why in the world did he say that?
I guess a few days before, they were reading in the kids magazine about Rosa Parks and the whole bus incident and how blacks had to go to the back of the bus. Yes, Michael they did....but that was the year 1963 or something! Here is another case of a language issue and the typical autistic child not really comprehending a sense of time.
So the teachers had to explain to him that we do not treat black people like that, that the new kid isn't exactly black, he is Hispanic and they had to show him the alphabet to get him to realize that the boy's last name is close to the beginning of the alphabet. This was very hard for Michael to accept.
When I talked to him about it yesterday morning, he put his hands over his ears and didn't want to hear about it. I don't blame him, it is confusing. Michael's little ordered world is now spinning out of order. After I told Chris, he went as far to say, "Well, the teachers lied to him." I asked Chris, "How is that?" He said, "They really don't base things on their number, they do it alphabetically. So technically they do not line up by number, they line up alphabetically. Many autistic people do not tolerate lies at all, even if it doesn't seem like a lie to the "norm". Things are in black and while for them, there is no "give" so to speak.
Luckily, Michael adapts fairly quickly. He uses a lot of his strategies and coping mechanisms to move on. This could have been a real disaster, but instead Michael turned it around. He even made 2 clay owls in art class, and then when the new kid came and didn't have an owl to paint, Michael quickly gave up his extra owl to the new boy. He is a sweetie and I'm very proud of him. Yet this is just another example of how rigid one can be when you are "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."
Make sense so far?
Well, not to Michael. For an autistic child who thrives on order, this is totally wrong. If the kid is number 16, he should be at the back of the line. So Michael said this. He got mad. Then he said, "And he is black so he needs to go to the end of the line!" WHOA! Wait a minute! Our family is practically the most culturally diverse family around. We expose the children to all religions, different cultures and there really isn't a prejudice bone in any of our body. So why in the world did he say that?
I guess a few days before, they were reading in the kids magazine about Rosa Parks and the whole bus incident and how blacks had to go to the back of the bus. Yes, Michael they did....but that was the year 1963 or something! Here is another case of a language issue and the typical autistic child not really comprehending a sense of time.
So the teachers had to explain to him that we do not treat black people like that, that the new kid isn't exactly black, he is Hispanic and they had to show him the alphabet to get him to realize that the boy's last name is close to the beginning of the alphabet. This was very hard for Michael to accept.
When I talked to him about it yesterday morning, he put his hands over his ears and didn't want to hear about it. I don't blame him, it is confusing. Michael's little ordered world is now spinning out of order. After I told Chris, he went as far to say, "Well, the teachers lied to him." I asked Chris, "How is that?" He said, "They really don't base things on their number, they do it alphabetically. So technically they do not line up by number, they line up alphabetically. Many autistic people do not tolerate lies at all, even if it doesn't seem like a lie to the "norm". Things are in black and while for them, there is no "give" so to speak.
Luckily, Michael adapts fairly quickly. He uses a lot of his strategies and coping mechanisms to move on. This could have been a real disaster, but instead Michael turned it around. He even made 2 clay owls in art class, and then when the new kid came and didn't have an owl to paint, Michael quickly gave up his extra owl to the new boy. He is a sweetie and I'm very proud of him. Yet this is just another example of how rigid one can be when you are "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."
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