Little, Big Man

Michael has always been a very snuggle-up, loving kid.  He is always the first one to give you his beloved "woobie" if you are sick or you've had a bad day.  I had always thought that autistic children didn't show their emotions or could not empathize with others.  This is more true for the children who have Aspergers, not necessarily children who are high functioning autistic.  Children on the spectrum are so different from each other.  Sometimes you cannot predict how one will act based on another autistic kid.  When we went to Dartmouth Hitchcock CHAD center in Lebanon, NH (where they diagnosed Michael), the doctors there said that it was definitely high functioning autism instead of Aspergers because of this major difference.....Michael shows emotions and empathy.

Michael is very affectionate.  He loves the "deep pressure" and getting hugs.   Holding him close calms him down, and is comforted by that.  We are so lucky to have such a sweet and loving boy.  He is much easier to cuddle than his twin sister.  Mikayla is very independent and wants to do everything herself.  She does cuddle sometimes, but has more of an attitude.  Mikayla is 7 going on 27.  Michael is 7 going on 7 months.  Ok, maybe that is quite an exaggeration, but I do feel that Michael is socially a bit behind.  Not at all surprising for a kid on the spectrum.  

He seems so naive sometimes, and with his black and white literal thinking he seems so young.  There were many times that I wouldn't mind sending Mikayla on the bus by herself, but I don't think I would have sent Michael without his sister with him.  If he was an only child, I'd probably would still be driving him to school myself. The rare times when Mikayla is sick and Michael has to go to school on the bus by himself, I get a little twinge of worry in the pit of my stomach.  Mikayla takes care of him.  She has often "interpreted" things for us that happened at school because Michael could not effectively use his expressive language to let us know.  Sometimes Mikayla acts too much like the parent.

Until Michael was about 5 years old, he still had that "baby" smell to him.  Everything about him seemed young.  Everything about Mikayla said that she meant business and was going to go out and rule the world.  If they would let a 7 year old be president, she would be the first contender.  Michael on the other hand would rather stay in the house building legos by himself or figuring out a puzzle quietly at the table.  The twins are like night and day.

Perhaps because Mikayla acts so much older than what she is, maybe Michael isn't all that "young".  Maybe he is sort of average socially and I only have this mature girl twin to compare him to.  I watch as Michael will grab his "woobie" and automatically suck his thumb.  He does this mostly when he is tired, and only at home.  I wonder, "Do I enable him?  Baby him?  Am too over protective because of his autism? "  I know he is an extremely intelligent kid, and he will probably be able to handle many more things in life than I give him credit for.  Still that fear always lingers inside my head, "Will he grow up and function in the world?  Will the world eat him alive? "  Please God, help me overcome my fears for my child.  Please let him succeed in life and be happy.  Please don't let the world be too cruel to him.  Let others accept his little differences and see what I see....a truly amazing, brilliant child with a heart of gold.