A Bad Day on the Bus

When Michael was in pre-school he rode the little bus to the public school.  Part of this was because he was so little, and the other reason was because the little bus had an aide on it to help children who had disabilities.  When Mikayla started going to the public school, she rode the big bus.  It seemed silly to have the twins ride separate buses so we decided to try Michael on the big bus.

Michael actually seemed to like the big bus as opposed to the little bus.  Ironically the big bus was quieter than the little bus.  The little bus seemed to have a lot of children that had behavioral challenges, so the noise level and physical activity was a bit much for Mike Mike, especially with his noise sensitivities.

So time marched on and we just stuck the twins on the same bus.  In pre-school and in kindergarten everything went "mostly" ok.  Mikayla, being the little "mommy" that she is, took care of Michael and I never worried about him being out there alone.  This year, things have changed a bit.

It all started at the beginning of this year when Michael went to sit with his best girl friend on the bus, and kissed her.  Michael absolutely loves this little, shy girl and is quite protective of her.  He goes on playdates to her house and actually calls her on the phone.  Unbelievable right?  So he kisses her and some of the older students see this.  They tease him and call him "Lover Boy."  Michael takes this teasing for a few more days, then hauls off and hits the kid.  Michael then gets a behavioral ticket and has to visit the principal the next day.  All is sorted out and the other boy promises to stop teasing Michael.  Michael says he will not hit the boy.  All is well and good in the happy little town of Jaffrey, NH.

Yesterday Michael comes to me and says happily, "Mom, I finished reading The Magic Tree House #6 on the bus!" http://www.magictreehouse.com/# I am thrilled being the reading teacher that I am, and I say, "That is great honey!"  I give him a high five and I'm all smiles that Michael is keeping occupied on the bus.  Then he says, "But there is bad news mom because I hit a boy."

Uh Oh!

Me: Why did you hit this boy Michael?

Michael:  He was annoying me as I was reading my book.

Me:  Where did you hit him?

Michael:  In the face.

Me:  How was he annoying you?

Michael:  He was making noises as I was trying to read my book.  I didn't like his noises.

I am sure that I will get a nice little visit from the principal and boss up in my Title 1 room sometime next week.  I'm just waiting for the day that Michael will get kicked off the bus permanently for hitting or some physical contact.

Michael learning self-defense in karate

Although there are unpleasant consequences that occur when a child gets into a fight or ends up hitting another student, in the long run, it might be a good thing some of the time.   Too often autistic children are bullied, teased and just plain 'ol made fun of.  These children can only take so much of this.  This situation reminds me of the time that our older son, Dale, was teased and made fun of.  Dale was very quiet and just "took it" for months and months.  Finally Dale "broke" and hit some boys that were making fun of him.  Unfortunately he had a sharp implement in his hand at the time.

Dale was suspended from middle school for a few days, but you know what?  He was never made fun of again.  If Michael gets into a situation where he is in a fight and suspended, Chris says that the bullies will never bother him again.  We are willing to put up with a few days of suspension.  As Chris says, we do not want to grow "Sheeple".  (People that act like sheep and don't stand up for themselves)

There are a lot of anti-bullying programs out there today that are excellent.  We just had a wonderful TIGER assembly at our school TIGER Anti-Bullying Performance.  Even though everyone is on high alert for bullying, it still happens and Autistic kids are prime targets.    I am caught in a Catch 22 because I'm a teacher.  We always tell our students to talk out the problem or use conflict resolution strategies. Teachers do not encourage out and out fist-fights!   The mom in me is saying, "Sock it to 'em!  If you hit and hit hard, they will know that you are tough and can fend for yourself.  They won't bully you again."

I have heard that the rate of suicide for autistic people is higher than it is for "normals".  Is there any wonder why?  I hope that Michael will be strong and fend for himself.  I hope he won't fall into the all too common trend of an autistic child having low self esteem.  I hope that he will stick up for himself, but also learn strategies to remove himself from annoying situations, or tell kids to stop if they are teasing.  I hope he will be able to ride the bus for many more years, and happily ride it "somewhere over the spectrum" to a happy ending.