Melt Down Mickey

Last week I took my family to Orlando, Florida to see Mickey Mouse and also Harry Potter at Universal.  It was a trip that I had been promising my seven year olds for two years.  I was determined to go, by hook or by crook.  Last year there was no way we could afford it.  This year, Chris got a great job, and said we could go.  He didn't go with us.  This was partly because he just got this new job, but I also think that he does not "do" crowds.  It is our belief that he also is on the spectrum in some way.

Mikayla, Mickey Mouse and Michael

So we pack our bags, buy tickets to Disney (1 day) and Universal (2 days get one free), buy plane tickets, make arrangements to rent a car, pay for a week at a vacation house and get ready to go.  I was so excited to give the children an experience of a lifetime.  I also bought plane tickets and theme park tickets for Chris's older children, and son in law to be.  (Technically my step-children, but I feel like they are my own blood anyway)  I knew I could manage this.  I have traveled with the twins alone before.  I had planned for everything down to the last minute.  Planned for everything except the fact I was taking two autistic children to a loud, crowded place that wasn't predictable.

Luckily Michael only had three melt-downs.  Melt-down number one took place after the very first ride we went on, the Harry Potter ride in the castle.  Michael was overwhelmed with this ride, and scared of the dragons and dementors.  He wanted to get away from the castle ride and go on the roller coaster.  We were not very organized and we were waiting for some of the party to use the restrooms.  Then Dale lost his wallet and cell phone, and Amora wanted to go into the gift shop to buy the Harry Potter DVDs.  Michael was frustrated and started yanking on my arm.  He got mad and started hitting me and kicking me.  I got down on his level and said, "Michael I promise we will go to the roller coaster, Dale has lost his wallet....all of his money.  This is very serious buddy."  He then calmed down a bit, but it was getting crowded and noisy.  He then put his fingers in his ears and still had that mad look on his face.

Michael and Sissy at breakfast at the vacation house.

Melt-down number two happened when he was playing in the vacation house pool.  My sister Aimee and her new fiance, Jim, had joined us there.  Jim was fooling around with Michael and pushed him into the pool as a joke.  Michael did not think this was funny and came out of the pool swinging.  He started hitting Jim very hard.  Jim hasn't been around children, much less a high functioning autistic boy.  He really didn't understand.

Michael getting ready to swim

Melt-down number three was at Disney in the Beauty and the Beast castle.  I was trying to order for all six of us and everyone wanted dessert too.  Michael told me, "chocolate cupcake mommy", so I had it in my head that I was ordering three chocolate cupcakes and three strawberry.  At the last minute Michael changed his mind to lemon.  I wasn't paying attention because the place was so crowded.  Michael started screaming and having fits.  We brought him to a quiet room (I still can't believe we found a table in the corner of the most quiet room) and I got down on his level to talk to him quietly and calmly.  He kept screaming, "YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME, NOBODY LISTENS TO ME!"  I said, "Hey buddy, mommy is listening to you now.  My eyes are looking at your eyes, I am facing you.  I want to hear what you have to say.  I want to help."  I was speaking in a very calm, slow and soft voice.  I was giving him all of my attention.  He said, "Mommy I wanted a lemon cupcake.  I told you and you didn't listen."

Dale, Mikayla, Amora, Matt and Michael

My brain tried to relive the whole waiting in line for an hour to eat lunch, getting everyone's orders, and remembering the whole cash register scenario.  At the beginning of this whole lunch experience he did tell me chocolate.  At the register, I think he did change his mind and ask for lemon.  I was just as overwhelmed as he was.  I finally said, "I'm sorry buddy!  Mommy made a mistake.  I heard you wanted chocolate at the beginning.  When you changed your mind, I wasn't listening to you.  I'm so sorry.  It is mommy's mistake."  He then turned his behavior around and said, "That's ok mommy, I just want to be like Sissy and have the same as hers."  Luckily Amora had ordered a strawberry cupcake, as had I.  I told him, "Michael, Sissy got strawberry, what if you take mommy's strawberry cupcake and then everything will be fine!"  He agreed to this proposal, and any more possibility of a melt-down was averted.

Later on that day, I noticed a mom with a boy who was walking around with headphones on.  I smiled, knowing that her son was probably on the spectrum somewhere.  I then could have kicked myself for not remembering to bring Michael's deadphones.  Maybe some of the melt-downs could have been eliminated.  Yet, overall I think he did very well.  He got back on track quickly.  The melt-downs didn't last too long.  His coping strategies are getting better.  I am actually very proud of him.

One of the days on our vacation, Michael stayed back at the vacation house with me.  I sent the older kids with Amora to use the last day tickets at Universal.  It was important that Michael have some down time.  We went out for ice cream and swam in the vacation house pool.  Michael definitely needed a break from the hordes of people.  I'm glad I went on this vacation and that all of my children got to experience the whole Disney/Universal thing.  Next time, if there is a next time, I will not try to pack so many theme parks into a week.  We will take the time to smell the roses and plan for a more calm, serene vacation.  We will plan it more for our autistic kids, and not just mommy's "dream" of what a vacation should be. 

Baseball Season

It is spring, and Michael is signed up to play baseball.  He really loves this sport even though he isn't all that great at it.  Perhaps if we spent more time practicing catch in the yard, he might be better.  Even though we are not big sports enthusiasts, somehow Michael fell in love with baseball.  So it doesn't matter that he hasn't played since his T-ball league when he was a mere four years old, he just wants to play baseball.

The other day I got the call from his coach, "We will start baseball this weekend.  Michael's team is called the Phillies.  We will play at the American Legion field, and there will be a field clean up then parade."  I get off the phone and tell Michael, "That was your coach, you will be on the Phillies."  Michael jumps up and runs upstairs, quickly uncovering his blue baseball mitt that he had when he was four, and running back down to the kitchen.

"I got my mitten!  I got my mitten!"  he exclaims with exuberance.  "Michael it is called a mitt!"  I say with a chuckle in my voice. 

Michael says, "I can't wait to play baseball, but mom I'm not very good at hitting the ball.  When I hit the ball I have to go to number one and number two and number three?"  It takes me a split second to figure out his language on this one.

"Yes, Michael you run to first, second and third base.  They are called bases.  Then you run home." I say, clarifying his previous statement.

"I have to run to my house?"  Michael says. 

"No Michael, you run to home base.  It is a flat pentagon shape on the ground."  Here I am thinking that his autism strikes again and that he is taking my words totally literally, when he says, "Mom, I'm just joking, that was in the Amelia Bedelia book where she runs home to her house after baseball!"  Whew!  Not only did Michael not take that literally like autistics so often do, but he actually made a joke!

"Yes Michael, Amelia Bedelia is a very funny character isn't she!"  I say with relief in my voice.

Michael is such a wonderful child.  He is sweet, kind and now is developing a great sense of humor.  Everyday he brings joy into our lives, even when he is being very spectrummy or having a melt down, we are so lucky to have this kid.  Chris often says that his life started again when we had the twins.  Michael brings the spark of life and love into our very souls.   Thank you God for bringing him to us, we  wouldn't change him for the world.

It's My Turn

Recently I've gotten a few comments from Michael's first grade teacher about him getting angry and frustrated because he doesn't get enough turns to talk.  There is a communication journal that goes back and forth between Michael's teachers and home, so we can share if he's had a good day, bad day, or if something just set him off.  Not being able to talk and share his stories while the teacher is teaching, has really set him off lately.

I guess Michael has been mad at the teacher because she doesn't give him enough turns to "tell stories".  According to Mrs. B, Michael wants to share what is happening and is making a lot of connections to what they are talking about at school.  This is a good thing in my opinion.  I am happy that he is trying to share and that he is connecting to the world around him.  On the other hand, I can see what Mrs. B is saying, that she doesn't have time to listen to all sixteen of her students share their stories.  She often lets Michael share a story, but he sometimes wants to share two or three stories.  She has told me that she gives him more chances to share than most of the other children.  If Michael doesn't get to be heard every time he raises his hand, he gets mad and has a fit.

I tried talking to him about this the other day.  I said, "Michael, if Mrs. B lets all of you share stories all of the time, then the whole day would be sharing stories and there would not be a lot of learning going on."  He seemed to understand this concept.  I'm not sure if he's fully "digested" it yet.

My oldest daughter had a great idea.  She said that we should supply Michael with sharing sticks.  These popsicle sticks would say, "Share a story".  When Michael is out of sharing story sticks, he is not allowed to share anymore stories.  This would give him a finite limit on talking and perhaps since it is so visual, he will not get as mad or frustrated. 

I think I will recommend this strategy to his teacher.  Perhaps this will work, perhaps not.  Anything is worth a try.  It is hard for me to watch my child get mad and frustrated over a simple situation.  I guess for someone over the spectrum, it isn't a simple little thing, it is a big deal. 

Many autistic children that I have dealt with in the past do not have this problem.  They usually do not share comments or stories so freely.  In my opinion, Michael is breaking the mold again for what I've come to recognize as typical behaviors of autistic children.  Sometimes he baffles me, because in one moment he shows lots of autistic idiosyncrasies, and in another moment doesn't seem to be autistic at all.

I would like to hear from other moms with HFA children.  Does your child want to talk a lot and share stories?  Are the stories relevant to the conversation or are they totally off topic?  Does anyone out there have any experience with this problem?  Does your child get mad and frustrated if he/she doesn't get enough turns to share?  Is this solely an attention seeking issue?  Please feel free to comment!