As most of you know, when it comes to many people with high functioning autism, they think a lot in black and white. Rules are absolute, and there is very little gray areas, or no gray areas at all. I have talked about this before in one of my earlier blogs, but it hit home again today as I was taking Michael to swim team practice.
He was just about out of clothes, as I am a bit behind on his basket of laundry. I went upstairs at 5:40 this morning to wake him up for swim team practice. He woke up, almost cheerfully and I picked out some clothes for him because he was low on just about everything. I found his baseball t-shirt, asked him if he wanted to wear jeans or his khaki pants, fished out the last remaining pair of underwear from the very back of his drawer, and told him to get dressed so we could leave for practice. I walk down the stairs, hear him open his drawer again and shut it. He comes down with a blue t-shirt that was a bit small on him, his baseball shirt no where to be seen.
We jump in the car and I ask him, "Hey buddy, where is your baseball shirt that mommy picked out for you?" Michael replies, and deep inside I already knew the answer, "Mommy that shirt is for BASEBALL games, it is not for SWIM practice!" I answer, "But Michael baseball season is over, you can wear your t-shirt, you can wear your red Philly's t-shirt."
Michael says, "NO mom, I need it for my games, I am going to wear it to my games!" I explain, "Michael baseball season is over. There are no more games this summer. If you join baseball next year you will most likely be on a different team. Now it is just a red t-shirt that you can wear anytime."
Michael has a slight puzzled look on his face, but seems to accept my explanation. At the beginning of baseball season, we told him that the t-shirt was for games, and games only. He wanted to wear it to practices and just all around wear it. So now that we set that rule, "The baseball shirt is to be worn only at game time," he still thinks that it can only be worn at game time.
Then we had another "black and white" scenario today. Coach Margie was really working with the lane 1 kids in swimming practice today. In order to strengthen the forearm, Margie had the kids swim and "punch forward" in the water making a fist. Michael had a LOT of trouble with this. He practically refused to do this exercise. He told Margie, "I can't make a fist coach, if I make a fist I will punch somebody and beat them up!" He believes that fists are only for hitting or punching. It took Margie a long time to convince him that this was just a strengthening exercise. That this way of punching the water will make him a better swimmer, especially with breaststroke. Again we see the "inflexible thinking" dominate his thought process.
I remember when Dale, my step-son, was in middle school, and they had the D.A.R.E. program. Dale was taught that alcohol and drugs were bad. He never did anything like that, and would never even consider doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Now he is almost 23 years old, and I mentioned one time if he would like a drink or a beer. "Oh no MOM, alcohol is really bad. I can't do that!" There is no gray area for him. He will never sit down and have a glass of wine with dinner. One time he saw me pour a little red wine in some spaghetti sauce, and refused to eat dinner that night. I had to explain to him later that the alcohol cooked out of the sauce or evaporated and it only left a little flavor. I'd love to hear from the rest of you who have autistic children or are autistic yourself about times when everything is just black and white. I'd love to hear your black and white stories, when rules are absolute and the thinking is rigid and inflexible!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Hitting
Michael does not usually have severe behavior issues, but we told the school to keep behavior management in his IEP. It is not a question of "if" he is going to blow up, it is "when" he is going to blow up. Recently, it has been happening more often.
I don't know why he is physically acting out more than he has in the past. He tries very hard to go through all of the steps of calming himself down. He has been trained in these various strategies for a long time, but he is hitting.
We went to our math playdate on Sunday. Approximately 6 children go twice a month to our friend's house. My friend is a former teacher, and actually a former behavior specialist, but she teaches our children advanced math. Her own son is in the group, and in Mikayla's class at school. Both of my twins go as they are both very high in math. They spend half of their time learning and doing fun math activities, and the other half of the time just playing. The math time was over, and the boys of the group were playing tag, Michael included. When I went to pick up the twins I found out that Michael had basically tackled one of the boys to the ground and started hitting him. My teacher friend and talked Michael down and said Michael stopped and got back into control fairly quickly. Michael was "mad" that the other two boys weren't "listening" to him. I told Michael that was no reason to hit! That he needed to use his words.
I'm starting to worry a bit more about him. I don't want him to be physically acting out. I'm afraid that we will lose good friends. I'm afraid he will lose out on fun activities. What if our friends say, "I just don't want Michael over anymore because he will lash out physically?" The boy he was hitting was a solid, strong first grade boy. Michael has been in school with him since kindergarten. I don't understand.
I guess I always thought that autistic kids, as they mature, will develop better coping mechanisms. I always thought that autistic kids were more "out of control" when they were younger. I didn't expect Michael's hitting to get worse. I didn't expect his anger outbursts to become more prevalent. Maybe he is hitting more because it is summer and his life is not as structured or predictable? Maybe this is a phase he is going through?
Maybe some parents out there who have HFA children who are a bit older than Michael can shed some light on the situation. Is he going to continue to get worse? Is the hitting going to increase and increase? Will he work his way out of this?
I don't know why he is physically acting out more than he has in the past. He tries very hard to go through all of the steps of calming himself down. He has been trained in these various strategies for a long time, but he is hitting.
We went to our math playdate on Sunday. Approximately 6 children go twice a month to our friend's house. My friend is a former teacher, and actually a former behavior specialist, but she teaches our children advanced math. Her own son is in the group, and in Mikayla's class at school. Both of my twins go as they are both very high in math. They spend half of their time learning and doing fun math activities, and the other half of the time just playing. The math time was over, and the boys of the group were playing tag, Michael included. When I went to pick up the twins I found out that Michael had basically tackled one of the boys to the ground and started hitting him. My teacher friend and talked Michael down and said Michael stopped and got back into control fairly quickly. Michael was "mad" that the other two boys weren't "listening" to him. I told Michael that was no reason to hit! That he needed to use his words.
I'm starting to worry a bit more about him. I don't want him to be physically acting out. I'm afraid that we will lose good friends. I'm afraid he will lose out on fun activities. What if our friends say, "I just don't want Michael over anymore because he will lash out physically?" The boy he was hitting was a solid, strong first grade boy. Michael has been in school with him since kindergarten. I don't understand.
I guess I always thought that autistic kids, as they mature, will develop better coping mechanisms. I always thought that autistic kids were more "out of control" when they were younger. I didn't expect Michael's hitting to get worse. I didn't expect his anger outbursts to become more prevalent. Maybe he is hitting more because it is summer and his life is not as structured or predictable? Maybe this is a phase he is going through?
Maybe some parents out there who have HFA children who are a bit older than Michael can shed some light on the situation. Is he going to continue to get worse? Is the hitting going to increase and increase? Will he work his way out of this?
Monday, July 1, 2013
Sometimes Forest-Gump-Like
We started our beloved swim team on Wednesday. Michael was so excited he couldn't sleep. He woke up at midnight, 2:00 AM, 4:30 AM and finally we just got up because we had to be at practice by 6:15 AM. He didn't want to miss it. He did NOT want to be late.
We get to practice, and instead of swimming in the "baby lane" (lane 6). Michael is sure that he can go to a different lane. He ends up picking lane 1 which is filled with older kids (10 and over) and mostly newer kids to the team. Michael automatically ends up swimming faster than everyone in that lane, and so this little skinny 7 year old autistic child ends up being the "lane leader".
Wednesday he got a "little mad". One girl kept telling him not to "cut in line". Coach Margie said that it was ok that he was mad, she would have been mad too. She talked him out of his mad, and basically told the girl that Michael can cut, because he is faster.
Today they were practicing flip turns. Michael was doing somersault after somersault in preparation for the flip turns. He is the only one in his lane who can actually do a flip turn. He easily swims to the wall, over he goes and pushes off. He looks at the other 12, 13, and 14 year olds standing there watching and asks them to go try. None of them even want to attempt this, so Michael spends the next 10 minutes doing flip turn after flip turn.
I was the excited mom just beaming from the balcony. I told the lifeguard, Marcus, to go over and see if he could get the other kids to do some flip turns. I told him to encourage Michael to do some more because he had stopped and kept trying to wait for the other kids to actually do their turn. So Marcus walks over and says to Michael, "Michael do a flip turn for me!" Michael automatically does a somersault where he was standing. Marcus says again, "Michael, do a FLIP turn for me!" Michael again does a somersault from where he was standing in the pool. Finally Marcus points to the wall and says, "Michael swim TO the wall, make your flip turn there, then come back here." He signs this as he says it. Michael then says, "OHHHH!" Then he proceeds to do another really good flip turn.
So I am thinking this swim practice is going very well, almost spectacular! No melt downs, no mad faces. All of a sudden, Michael gets out of the pool and sits on the side. He is staring at his hands. "Uh oh" a little voice says inside of me, "He is staring at his hands." This is a sure sign he is getting lost in his own thoughts or becoming very "spectrummy". I watch carefully. I tell Marcus to go back over there and check with him. Too late, coach Margie is already there, but he isn't getting lost in his hands, he isn't checking out, he actually is having a conversation with her. A few minutes later he gets in the pool and all is well. What was it I wondered?
I find out later that Michael was concerned about his hands. "They were all wrinkly mom! I'm going to have to stay out of the pool!" I said, "NO BUDDY! That is a good thing. It means you are a really good swimmer!." Molly (16 year old friend who lives with us and is on swim team with the twins) says, "Yeah Michael that is called PRUNE hands. Your feet will get that way too. Your skin is soaking up the water. Don't worry buddy, it is a good thing!" So we finally convince him that wrinkly hands is not a life or death situation and that he can continue to swim. In fact the more wrinkly your hands are, the better swimmer you will be. :)
Sometimes Michael comes up with the funniest things. Sometimes he just says things like Forest Gump would, or you can see when something "dawns" on him. I guess it is a part of his personality, and shows that he is definitely somewhere "Over the Spectrum".
 | |
| Michael (second from the left) on his first day back with the Marlins. Good eye contact and smile! |
We get to practice, and instead of swimming in the "baby lane" (lane 6). Michael is sure that he can go to a different lane. He ends up picking lane 1 which is filled with older kids (10 and over) and mostly newer kids to the team. Michael automatically ends up swimming faster than everyone in that lane, and so this little skinny 7 year old autistic child ends up being the "lane leader".
Wednesday he got a "little mad". One girl kept telling him not to "cut in line". Coach Margie said that it was ok that he was mad, she would have been mad too. She talked him out of his mad, and basically told the girl that Michael can cut, because he is faster.
Today they were practicing flip turns. Michael was doing somersault after somersault in preparation for the flip turns. He is the only one in his lane who can actually do a flip turn. He easily swims to the wall, over he goes and pushes off. He looks at the other 12, 13, and 14 year olds standing there watching and asks them to go try. None of them even want to attempt this, so Michael spends the next 10 minutes doing flip turn after flip turn.
I was the excited mom just beaming from the balcony. I told the lifeguard, Marcus, to go over and see if he could get the other kids to do some flip turns. I told him to encourage Michael to do some more because he had stopped and kept trying to wait for the other kids to actually do their turn. So Marcus walks over and says to Michael, "Michael do a flip turn for me!" Michael automatically does a somersault where he was standing. Marcus says again, "Michael, do a FLIP turn for me!" Michael again does a somersault from where he was standing in the pool. Finally Marcus points to the wall and says, "Michael swim TO the wall, make your flip turn there, then come back here." He signs this as he says it. Michael then says, "OHHHH!" Then he proceeds to do another really good flip turn.
 |
| Run Forest Run! Swim Michael Swim! |
So I am thinking this swim practice is going very well, almost spectacular! No melt downs, no mad faces. All of a sudden, Michael gets out of the pool and sits on the side. He is staring at his hands. "Uh oh" a little voice says inside of me, "He is staring at his hands." This is a sure sign he is getting lost in his own thoughts or becoming very "spectrummy". I watch carefully. I tell Marcus to go back over there and check with him. Too late, coach Margie is already there, but he isn't getting lost in his hands, he isn't checking out, he actually is having a conversation with her. A few minutes later he gets in the pool and all is well. What was it I wondered?
I find out later that Michael was concerned about his hands. "They were all wrinkly mom! I'm going to have to stay out of the pool!" I said, "NO BUDDY! That is a good thing. It means you are a really good swimmer!." Molly (16 year old friend who lives with us and is on swim team with the twins) says, "Yeah Michael that is called PRUNE hands. Your feet will get that way too. Your skin is soaking up the water. Don't worry buddy, it is a good thing!" So we finally convince him that wrinkly hands is not a life or death situation and that he can continue to swim. In fact the more wrinkly your hands are, the better swimmer you will be. :)
Sometimes Michael comes up with the funniest things. Sometimes he just says things like Forest Gump would, or you can see when something "dawns" on him. I guess it is a part of his personality, and shows that he is definitely somewhere "Over the Spectrum".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)