A Bad Day on the Bus

When Michael was in pre-school he rode the little bus to the public school.  Part of this was because he was so little, and the other reason was because the little bus had an aide on it to help children who had disabilities.  When Mikayla started going to the public school, she rode the big bus.  It seemed silly to have the twins ride separate buses so we decided to try Michael on the big bus.

Michael actually seemed to like the big bus as opposed to the little bus.  Ironically the big bus was quieter than the little bus.  The little bus seemed to have a lot of children that had behavioral challenges, so the noise level and physical activity was a bit much for Mike Mike, especially with his noise sensitivities.

So time marched on and we just stuck the twins on the same bus.  In pre-school and in kindergarten everything went "mostly" ok.  Mikayla, being the little "mommy" that she is, took care of Michael and I never worried about him being out there alone.  This year, things have changed a bit.

It all started at the beginning of this year when Michael went to sit with his best girl friend on the bus, and kissed her.  Michael absolutely loves this little, shy girl and is quite protective of her.  He goes on playdates to her house and actually calls her on the phone.  Unbelievable right?  So he kisses her and some of the older students see this.  They tease him and call him "Lover Boy."  Michael takes this teasing for a few more days, then hauls off and hits the kid.  Michael then gets a behavioral ticket and has to visit the principal the next day.  All is sorted out and the other boy promises to stop teasing Michael.  Michael says he will not hit the boy.  All is well and good in the happy little town of Jaffrey, NH.

Yesterday Michael comes to me and says happily, "Mom, I finished reading The Magic Tree House #6 on the bus!" http://www.magictreehouse.com/# I am thrilled being the reading teacher that I am, and I say, "That is great honey!"  I give him a high five and I'm all smiles that Michael is keeping occupied on the bus.  Then he says, "But there is bad news mom because I hit a boy."

Uh Oh!

Me: Why did you hit this boy Michael?

Michael:  He was annoying me as I was reading my book.

Me:  Where did you hit him?

Michael:  In the face.

Me:  How was he annoying you?

Michael:  He was making noises as I was trying to read my book.  I didn't like his noises.

I am sure that I will get a nice little visit from the principal and boss up in my Title 1 room sometime next week.  I'm just waiting for the day that Michael will get kicked off the bus permanently for hitting or some physical contact.

Michael learning self-defense in karate

Although there are unpleasant consequences that occur when a child gets into a fight or ends up hitting another student, in the long run, it might be a good thing some of the time.   Too often autistic children are bullied, teased and just plain 'ol made fun of.  These children can only take so much of this.  This situation reminds me of the time that our older son, Dale, was teased and made fun of.  Dale was very quiet and just "took it" for months and months.  Finally Dale "broke" and hit some boys that were making fun of him.  Unfortunately he had a sharp implement in his hand at the time.

Dale was suspended from middle school for a few days, but you know what?  He was never made fun of again.  If Michael gets into a situation where he is in a fight and suspended, Chris says that the bullies will never bother him again.  We are willing to put up with a few days of suspension.  As Chris says, we do not want to grow "Sheeple".  (People that act like sheep and don't stand up for themselves)

There are a lot of anti-bullying programs out there today that are excellent.  We just had a wonderful TIGER assembly at our school TIGER Anti-Bullying Performance.  Even though everyone is on high alert for bullying, it still happens and Autistic kids are prime targets.    I am caught in a Catch 22 because I'm a teacher.  We always tell our students to talk out the problem or use conflict resolution strategies. Teachers do not encourage out and out fist-fights!   The mom in me is saying, "Sock it to 'em!  If you hit and hit hard, they will know that you are tough and can fend for yourself.  They won't bully you again."

I have heard that the rate of suicide for autistic people is higher than it is for "normals".  Is there any wonder why?  I hope that Michael will be strong and fend for himself.  I hope he won't fall into the all too common trend of an autistic child having low self esteem.  I hope that he will stick up for himself, but also learn strategies to remove himself from annoying situations, or tell kids to stop if they are teasing.  I hope he will be able to ride the bus for many more years, and happily ride it "somewhere over the spectrum" to a happy ending.

Point of Reference Please?

Many autistic children seem to have expressive language difficulties.  This issue tied with their social awkwardness makes it difficult for them to express their thoughts and have socially acceptable conversations.  Often times these children, and adults too are not sure of what to say.  They have many ideas in their heads, it is just trying to express these ideas to the rest of the world that is problematic.  There seems to be a malfunction in the wiring.  As Christopher says, "Their input works just fine.  It could be a processing issue in the brain or the way they output information."

Yesterday we had a meeting with Michael's teacher, speech therapist, counselor and special educator at school to find out how he was doing and to just get an update on his progress.  One of the big concerns they find is trying to figure out what he is talking about.  Michael assumes that the listener understands what he is saying.  He assumes you know all of the people, places and events in his life.  His speech teacher asked him, "Michael, what did you do this weekend?"  Michael says, "I don't know I don't remember, but I left my snowpants in Trisacy's car but not her car."  The speech teacher then spent a half hour trying to decipher the name of the person because of Michael's articulation errors.   Then she spent some more time trying to figure out who in the world was this person and why did he leave his snowpants in her car that wasn't her car?  She was extremely confused.  At the meeting, Chris and I clarified that Tracy and her daughter were living with us because they were homeless, and we were lending our van to Tracy. Michael did leave his snowpants in the red van, and the van does belong to us, Tracy is borrowing it.

All of the teacher's chimed in and reported the same thing.  Michael does not have sequencing in order.  Structured sequence lessons are just fine.  He can put pictures together and tell a story.  He cannot apply this sequencing skill to his own life and often has a warped sense of time.  The classroom teacher is working on sequencing as well in his writing.  She is doing the "four square" method where he puts his ideas down on four different blocks of the paper.  This graphic organizer is helping, but he still has a lot of trouble giving that background information that a reader or listener needs to comprehend the story!   Chris does not think that Michael thinks in a linear way.

Sometimes these children give incomplete thoughts.  This happened a lot with our older son Dale.  Dale also had such extreme social awkwardness that he would rather quote phrases from a TV show instead of trying to explain what he was thinking.  Out of the blue Dale would say, "She Made Half and English Triffle, and Half a.......Shepard's Pie!"  If you didn't know Dale, you would say, "What in the world is he talking about?"  Those of us that did know him, knew he was quoting from the TV show FRIENDS.  Dale would often blurt out something he had heard on TV.  It would feel at times like he was "RainMan".

Michael getting mad as he tries to explain something

How do we get our autistic children to fill us in on the background information?  How do we get them to preface the conversation with facts to help us understand their story?  How do we get these children to stop being frustrated when we can't understand them?  Usually by the second repeating of the story, Michael gets very mad and frustrated.  You can see the anger building up on his face.  How do we work with these children so that their teachers and friends can understand them?  Xander, one of Michael's best friends has said to me, "I don't understand what he is talking about sometimes.  I just nod my head and go along with it." 

Expressive language and social language is a huge issue with many autistic children.  I think it will always be a problem to some degree even after years of speech/language therapy and social skills teaching.  How can we make communication easier for these children?  What do you do to work on this with your autistic child?

PDD? Asperger's? HFA? What's the Difference?

Eleven years ago I met Christopher, and drove out to Maryland to be with him, sad to be leaving my 36 years of Midwestern roots but gaining a wonderful family in return.  The family included two step children in their early teens, and a history of autism in the family.  Being a special educator at the time (later getting my Masters as a Reading Specialist), I knew that I could handle Chris's son, Dale.  At that time I had been teaching approximately 14 years, mostly Deaf and hard of hearing children.  I had one pre-school in which they placed a non-verbal autistic child in my class.  That was the one and only experience I ever had with autistic children.  This child was a sweet boy, who did learn sign language and hid under my table for much of the day.  Back then, (1988), there were not many identified autistic children.  No one really knew about it, now the diagnosis seems to be rampant.

Chris's children lived with us on a part time basis, and part of the time with his ex-wife.  It was difficult for me to get to know Dale, as part of the time he was at the ex's house, and part of the time he disappeared into his own world.  Dale and Amora spent a lot of time on video games, and had the latest technology.  This was something extremely foreign to me, as I had been living and teaching in Iowa and had just recently acquired a cell phone.  The children did not go outside very much, and at the time I had arrived, they were not in any sports or after school activities.  At age 12, we finally bought a bike for Dale and taught him how to ride.

Dale, Michael and Amora

Having my special education background, I felt I was prepared to be Dale and Amora's mom.  Dale never showed any emotion, he had the typical characteristic of an autistic child with an expressionless face.  Dale was diagnosed as PDD-NOS  (Pervasive Developmental Delay, Not Otherwise Specified) I wondered what in the world that acronym meant.  I had heard of autism and Asperger's, but what was the PDD?  Luckily the school district in which I was working offered an excellent class on autism.  I studied the different labels of the spectrum carefully, and tried to decipher what makes a child High Functioning Autistic versus Asperger's?  What makes a child PDD?   Why aren't they HFA? A child that was labeled low functioning autism was a more clear definition for me.

Dale was functioning pretty well in the public school.  He was in regular classes and getting good grades (As and Bs).  Dale had a flair for math and writing.  He could build anything.   Any model that was handed to him he constructed with ease.  He would spend hours building KNEX and make interesting and intricate designs.  It would take him a mere five minutes to put together a model airplane or complicated lego set up.    Dale was labeled PDD, or was he really?  What do you do with a child labeled PDD?    This was the most vague label of all, at least it was to me.

In the autism class that I took they said that the characteristics of Asperger's was high intelligence, and limited signs of facial expression.  They said that Aspie kids generally do not have difficulty with language, just mostly social skills.  Asperger children usually have hyper-lexia, the ability to read fluently at a very young age.   Dale was intelligent, he didn't show emotion and had terrible social skills.  The one thing that went against the Asperger's diagnosis for him was that he had speech/language issues whereas Asperger kids generally do not.  Dale did go to speech and language, he had a mild articulation problem.  He had difficulty with expressive language and taking things very literally.  He did not understand figurative language such as idioms and jokes.  Dale did not learn to read at a very young age, he did not have hyper-lexia.   Could he be Asperger's, HFA?  Or was he PDD-NOS as the school psychologist had suggested?

Dale, Amora and Amora's boyfriend Matt, Six Flags

Later, when Dale was in high school we ended up taking him to a private psychologist.  Many forms and observations later, Dale's "label" was changed from PDD- to Aspergers.  I'm still not sure if that is correct, perhaps we will never know.  Yet he is definitely on the spectrum.....somewhere.

Michael does not have the "dead pan" facial expression that Dale has.  Michael shows emotions and hugs and snuggles constantly.  He does have difficulty with speech articulation and expressive language.  Michael is functioning well in the regular classroom, and is getting some extra gifted and talented time in math. Michael learned to read by the time he was two.  He "seemed" to be hyper-lexic, but as he reached first grade, that ability has slowed down and now he is in line with the average to above average readers in his class. Michael is intelligent.  He has some social skills issues, not nearly as much as Dale.  Then again, Dale was identified at a much later time and Michael had the good fortune of earlier intervention, consistent intervention and a mom who was a teacher. Very early on the doctors said that Michael was definitely High Functioning Autistic.  He had too much emotion and facial expression to be Aspergers.  Why didn't they label him PDD like they had done with Dale?  I just don't know.  It seems to me that they stick a PDD label on a child when they aren't really sure.  Since autism runs in the family, they knew it was autism for sure.  Maybe having the history in your family makes the doctors be more inclined to give the diagnosis of HFA.

It seems to me that there is a fine line between the Aspergers and HFA diagnosis.  There is also a fine line between HFA and PDD.  The label Pervasive Development Delay is a scary term to me.  The words "Developmental Delay" stand out and I automatically associate this with a child with impaired intelligence.  Developmental Delay is a term I hear when the school psychologist is waffling between labeling a child LD learning disabled or mentally disabled.  Michael does not have any intelligence issues, nor did Dale.  Their brains are just wired differently.  They are still very special people.  They are amazing and interesting human beings.  I'm proud to be the mom of two autistic boys, no matter what their position is on the wide and diversified spectrum.

Spring Concert for the Twins

The twins will have their Spring concert this Wednesday.  I'm looking forward to it, and at the same time emotional about it.  Mikayla has been singing leprechaun songs and bunny songs for a month now.  Michael is getting a bit fed up with her singing all of the time in the car.  The little songs have stuck in my brain, and you can often hear me singing in the kitchen, "Oh the leprechaun is smart and clever, he wears green and is rarely seen!"

"Oh, a spring concert!"  You say to yourself, "It must be such a darling thing!."  For me it is wonderful, and at the same time scary.  Last year as I was watching the twins, Mikayla was situated right in the middle, knew every word, had her eye on the music teacher, had fun with her classmates and was right at home with the whole "concert process."  Then there was Michael.

Normally I don't notice his autism.  Most of the time he is just like any other kid, with a little bit of unusual speech patterns, but nothing majorly stands out.  As I watched him at the concert last year, he was on the top row, all the way to my right.  He stood about 2 feet away from his classmates, had a look on his face like he was lost in a fog.  Sometimes he'd remember where he was and I could see him trying to form the words with his mouth.  He seemed to be a step behind all of the others (slow processing speed coming into play here), and not quite with it.  Sometimes it looked almost comical, especially the way he would turn to the side facing into the curtains on the stage.  Other times tears just came to my eyes because of the realization that he was acting quite like the others.

For some of the concert he pulled up his striped shirt exposing his belly. Other times he was sucking on his thumb or banging on his head with his fist.  For some of the concert he looked like he was going to run off stage. I was half laughing, and half crying from what it appeared to me as a very autistic kid.  Perhaps because of my special education background, I just have "eyes" to see all of these unusual behaviors.  I hoped that nobody else noticed the things I was seeing.  Maybe all of the rest of the parents just kept their eyes on their own gleaming child, and didn't pay attention to the kid on the end in the top row.

I'm hoping that this concert will go smoother.  I'm hoping that Michael will pay attention, not lift up his shirt, want to escape or suck his thumb.  We shall see.  I love this kid with all of my heart.  I know he is different, but maybe he can blend in for just one hour?   I'm always terrified that he will be made fun of or bullied because of his differences.  Wednesday is three days away, another day in our lives, another day for a mom with a child "Somewhere Over the Spectrum."

Internally and Externally Distracted

When we brought Michael up to the CHAD center at Dartmouth Hitchcock, Lebanon, one comment stood out in my mind about Michael.  The doctors there said that he was, "Internally and Externally Distracted."  I thought about that phrase again today as I picked up the twins from a Math Play Date.  (This is a play date in which my friend, who was a former teacher, gives the children an hour or so of more challenging math, then the kids have a fun play date).

Mikayla, Ethan and Michael playing with an IPAD

My friend, Tammy, who has these play dates for about eight first graders, emailed me the other day and said, "Michael never wants to eat snack while he is here.  He says he isn't hungry, and will continue to play a game, work on the computer, or solve problems.  Is there a food he really likes to eat?"  I told her that he liked blueberries a lot, but not to worry if he doesn't break away from what he is doing.  He gets totally engrossed in something, and it is hard to break him away from that, even to go to the bathroom.

So today I go to pick them up, and Michael is at the computer totally immersed in a new computer math game.  All of the other children are in the play room, playing or outside in the snow.  I go over to Michael and tell him that I'm there and it is time to go home now.  He looks up from the computer and says, "I'm really hungry and thirsty!"  Tammy had given the kids snacks hours before.  Michael said he didn't want any and continued to play the math games on the computer.  Tammy said, "Oh no Michael, I had bought blueberries for you....."  Michael smiles happily, "Blueberries!  Yum Blueberries!  I want some Blueberries!"  Then Tammy had to tell him that they were all gone because all of the other kids ate them all up.  Michael did not break away from what he was doing to eat his favorite snack.  So Michael settled for a banana.

As Michael was eating his banana, he started to hold his crotch and dance around.  Again he was so hyper-focused in what he was doing, he had forgotten to go to the bathroom.  This is a daily occurrence at our house and I know the signs as sure as I know the back of my hand.  I always have to say to him, "Michael, go potty, go potty NOW!"  He will always dance around like that then tell me he doesn't have to go.  He doesn't want to leave whatever he is doing.  It seems to be worse with computer time.
When he is not internally distracted, he can be externally distracted and not seem to pay attention to verbal directions.  Sometimes I think, "Could he be ADD or ADHD?  Could this just be his autism?  Is there a relationship between autism and ADD/ADHD?  Could Michael be misdiagnosed?"  These questions often come up in my head.

Michael and "Sissy" Amora at Christmas

I was talking with my step daughter Amora, the other day.  Amora is 24 and living on her own.  I became her "mom" about 10 years ago when she was starting high school.  She isn't a "step daughter" to me, she is just as much as my own as Mikayla is.  Anyway, she was saying to me, "Mom, I think I might be on the spectrum.  You know the whole time I was in grade school, middle school and high school I thought I was just ADD.  I've been reading your blogs about Michael, and I have a lot of the same characteristics as he does.  Maybe I was misdiagnosed and I have some form of autism.  I thought about that for a while, and it could very well be.  It runs in the family.  Her two brothers have it, and I think her father has it as well.  Chris's Uncle had it, but they didn't really know what to call it back then.  She really didn't have any friends, or any close friends.  She wasn't the kind of kid to want to go to the prom, football games or any social events.  She was on some medicine to help her concentrate, because we thought she was ADD.  Could we have been wrong?

Can autism look like ADD or ADHD and vice versa?  How do you weed it out?  How do you separate it?  Could Michael very well have both?  I'd like to know if anybody out there has figured this one out!

Autistic Children and Their Siblings

Sibling Fun

Today I walked into school today, and realize I'm locked out of my classroom.  I am fortunate enough to not only work at an excellent school, but I'm also lucky that my twins go there too.  Our fantastic school counselor walks in a minute later and sees me sitting on the bench in front of the office.  She has been amazing with the work she has done with Michael.  I absolutely love her!  She immediately helps me open my door and says, "I've been meaning to touch base with you as a mom, not as a teacher."  My first thought was, "Oh it must be something to do with Michael."  Much to my surprise it wasn't about Michael at all.  It was about Mikayla.

The counselor then explains to me that Mikayla has been having some trouble dealing with frustration.  She has been quick to anger and can often have an attitude.  The counselor wants to put her in a group to work on managing the frustration and anger.  I immediately agree.  Now Mikayla will also be seeing the counselor once a week in a small group.  I'm very thankful for this.

Brother & Sister Love

I see Mikayla's anger/frustration issues as a combination of problems.  The first is that she is very bossy.  Her personality has been like that from the beginning.  She is constantly telling Michael what to do and acting "like a parent".  Secondly she is experiencing a conductive hearing loss right now, and it is a whopper of a hearing loss.  I know from teaching Deaf and hard of hearing children for a good portion of my career that she is probably exhausted trying to strain and hear what the teacher is saying all day. When you are tired you are likely to be grumpy and not handle issues well.  Then there is her independence, she doesn't want help from anybody.  She wants to do everything herself.  Finally I believe she is having issues because she is the sibling of an autistic brother.  I'm sure that many siblings who have a brother or sister in special education, or who have differences have some of their own emotional or behavioral issues.

Mikayla showing Michael how to dye Easter eggs

Since Michael is always being "reminded" of what to do or "cued in", Mikayla strives hard to be the opposite.  Michael is the one who needs help on a constant basis.  Help to tie his shoes, help to "check in", help to calm down after a melt down.  Mikayla again is the exact opposite.  She doesn't want help with anything and often refuses help.  Michael, although extremely intelligent, gets some extra attention.  I believe we try very hard to even out the attention, but Mikayla feels otherwise.   Mikayla feels like Michael gets more attention, so she is going to act out a bit to get attention too.  Bad attention is better than little or no attention at all, right?

I came to the realization today that siblings of autistic children might need to have some counseling or some time to work out their issues.  They need strategies, just as much as their autistic brother or sister.  They might need help to work out issues and deal with problems too.  Having an autistic child in the family can be stressful for the "normal" child in the family.  Even though Michael is probably the easiest spectrummy child I've ever dealt with, I'm sure that it still affects Mikayla in ways I've never realized.

Artistic-Autistic!

Michael has always been interested in art and drawing.  He will often take a pad of paper and draw/ doodle for hours.  His art teacher says that his art is more advanced than a typical child his age.  I have found that a lot of autistic children express themselves with art if they do not have severe motor problems or sensory issues with the type of media.

Cardinals in the Snow- Michael did this in kindergarten

Michael loves to put in a lot of detail and design.  He says that art is one of his favorite classes.  When he comes home, he usually goes through a pad of paper a month.  He loves to draw and he especially loves making mazes.  "Mommy,"  he says, "Come and figure out this maze!"  He has a big easel that is part drawing/part white board.  He can spend hours drawing on that as well.

I know that art can be used as therapy for many individuals who have autism.  I think that Michael found that out for himself.  It helps people who are under stress, many of our autistic children do have anxiety and stress.  I also think it is a great way for Michael to express himself.  When he draws he doesn't have to talk.  He doesn't have to use verbal language.  He doesn't have to answer questions, or explain anything.  Michael can just "be". 

Clowns- first grade

What is "Art Therapy"?  According to this website, http://www.arttherapyblog.com/  the definition of art therapy is:

Art therapy is a form of expressive therapy that uses the creative process of making art to improve a person’s physical, mental, and emotional well-being. 
The creative process involved in expressing one’s self artistically can help people to resolve issues as well as develop and manage their behaviors and feelings, reduce stress, and improve self-esteem and awareness.

How does your autistic child do with art?  Is it comforting for them?  Do they excel in this area?  Do they have trouble with fine motor coordination and cannot manage to produce art?  Do they have intense sensory issues that they do not like holding a pencil/crayon or paintbrush?  

I have worked with some autistic children who cannot bear to write anything.  They do not like holding a pencil and cannot take the "feel" of pencil on paper.  Most of these children who refuse to write because of a sensory issue, will often do better with dry erase markers on a white board, or use a paintbrush to paint.  I'm very curious if art helps children with autism.  Does the love of art vary with the severity of autism?  

I can only speak for Michael, and I know that art is very much a part of his life.  I'm very proud of his artwork.  I hope that he continues to show a love for art in the future.

Strategies for Michael

When Michael started kindergarten at Jaffrey Grade School, we met with the IEP team. Chris and I were insistent that Michael have IEP goals on behavior.  We wanted him to meet with the behavior specialist or counselor frequently and work on strategies to help him with melt downs and social skills. The team was hesitant at first.  Michael hadn't shown many behavior problems, at least not yet.  When we had gone up to the CHAD clinic at Dartmouth Hitchcock, Lebanon the previous summer, the autism specialist and the doctors there said that it would be imperative that Michael get on a behavior plan of some sort.  Their foresight and the way Chris advocates for his kids has helped Michael be as successful as he is today.

I don't think the teachers really took it seriously until Michael started hitting a child in his class for whistling.  The noise was extremely irritating for him.  From that point on, Michael has been seeing the counselor and working on different strategies and social stories.

Lifesaving strategy #1 Big Problem/Little Problem

The first strategy that has been very beneficial is the "big problem/small problem" chart.  This chart is posted on our refrigerator, and also at school by Michael's "quiet" area.  This is how it works.  We are in the grocery store the other day and I tell the twins that they can get a bottled water to drink because they were very thirsty from swim team practice.  Michael puts his water bottle on the conveyor belt first, Mikayla then puts her bottle down second on the conveyor belt.  The cashier rings the bottles through and Mikayla takes the first bottle that comes down the line.  Now the water bottles are EXACTLY the same.  You guessed it, Michael starts to have a melt down.  "THAT'S MINE!" he shouts and almost starts to slump to the floor of the supermarket.  I calmly say, "Michael?  Is that a big problem or a little problem?"  Michael takes in a deep breath, "I think it is a little problem."  I say, "Right Michael, the two water bottles are the same.  It doesn't make a difference.  You will both get to drink the water."  Major Melt Down AVERTED!!  Yea for the Big Problem/Little Problem chart and for months and months and MONTHS of working on this strategy!


Lifesaving strategy #2- STOP

This is how this strategy works for Michael.  Mikayla is singing the songs from music class for their spring concert.  Mikayla likes to sing and take over most conversations.  We are in the car going to swim team and Mikayla is singing the leprechaun song.  Michael doesn't want to hear the song anymore and wants to play the "riddle game".  Mikayla, not wanting to stop the singing, continues to press on becoming louder and more annoying to Michael.  Now instead of Michael yelling, having a fit, crying, hitting or biting her, he looks at her and tries to make a polite face and says, "Please stop".  Sometime he forgets the other part of the process (naming what exactly he wants her to stop), but he is really trying!  Melt down averted.

The other day the twins were arguing about something at the dining room table, it started to escalate and I could hear Michael on the verge of a melt down.   I called in to Michael, "Michael look at the stop sign on the refrigerator!"  He broke off the argument with Mikayla, ran into the kitchen, read his sign  quickly, said under his breath, "Oh yeah, right!"  Then he ran back in and started to apply the strategy and asked Mikayla to stop whatever she was doing.

These strategies not only work for my HFA Michael, but they work for his bossy and sometimes irritating sister!  I think it would work for many siblings! 

Lifesaving strategy #3- Check-In

When we see Michael getting upset and frustrated, not listening to directions or getting "stuck" on one train of thought (inflexible thinking), we ask Michael to "check in".  We use those exact words, "Check in Michael."  We take both of his hands and squat down so we are at his level.  He doesn't have to look at us, as direct eye contact can be almost painful for autistic children.  He DOES have to acknowledge us and say, "Yes, I'm checked in."  Then we have his attention and he is in a position to calm down and listen.  We offer hugs at this time too because he needs that deep pressure.  Usually the "check-ins" help solve a lot of issues.  We ask Michael what the problem is. We give him a lot of wait time and try to understand what he means exactly (sometimes his expressive language is hard to figure out and he can't find the words to explain what he means). 

These strategies are working for Michael.  I don't know if they will work with all autistic children, but maybe if the strategies help somebody, then this blog would be worth it.  Even if it helps only one family. 

Sensory Overload

We are very fortunate to have a child who is High Functioning Autistic and not have too many sensory issues.  I have seen many other children with way worse problems with touch, taste, sight, smell and sound issues than Michael.  Still, on occasion, we do get the melt down from sensory overload.  It mostly comes in the form of sound and sometimes touch.

Michael's sensitivity to sound depends on a lot of things.  Sometimes when I think he will react to a sound, he doesn't.  Sometimes he reacts to sound that I didn't think would bother him.  Overtime we are learning what might and might not set him off.  It also depends on if he is tired or sick.

The first sound that is too much for him is the fire alarm at school.  He has his dead phones that he wears when that alarm goes off.  He also has difficulty in the gym with large assemblies.  He will bring his dead phones and will put them on through various parts of the assembly.

Michael with deadphone and having difficulty with noise

Church is another area that he has a lot of difficulty.  When we moved to Jaffrey, NH about a year and a half ago, I was trying out various churches to see what would be a good fit for our family.  As I began the church shopping, I went with the twins to some Christian churches that had Christian rock bands.  The noise from these bands was too much for Michael.  He would stand next to me, covering his ears.  He even got to the point of literally hitting me.  He needed to get out of there and I had to make my excuses.  "Sorry, he is autistic and the music is too much for him."

The old fashioned churches seem a lot better.  Piano music doesn't set him off, but when a church would play the big organ that was enough to make him want to escape right away.  When we lived in Hinsdale, NH and we were going to the United Church of Winchester he knew what to expect.  He would stand in church with me and sing out of the hymn book.  He seemed more comfortable there, and we need to find a church around here that is similar in nature.

When he goes to karate that takes place in that same school gym, he has a hard time with listening.  He has gotten a lot better, and he is getting used to the acoustics.

One day I got the brilliant idea that the twins were going to help with "other" chores.  Michael was standing there and I said, "Here Michael why don't you vacuum for mommy!  Just vacuum the rug in the dining room."  I went off to do other chores and get Mikayla started on something.  All of a sudden the vacuum goes on and I hear screaming.  Chris comes out of his office and quickly shuts off the vacuum.  He gave me a look that said, "WHAT were you thinking???!!!"  That's just it, I wasn't thinking.  The vacuum was obviously too much sensory input for Michael.  Duh!

Michael will sometimes get frustrated too if there is "too much talking".  If an adult or anyone else is explaining things and going "on and on", Michael will tell them to stop talking.  When he was younger he would stick out his hand to indicate, "stop".   Too much "talking at him" will get him confused, frustrated and could possibly lead to a melt down.

Another area that is less of a problem is touch.  He often likes deep pressure such as hugs or holding.  He has never had to be "brushed", but does enjoy the deep pressure of the roller at his old school in Hinsdale.  Michael likes to touch knitted things.  He has collected all knitted blankets that were made for the twins when they were born, and has claimed them all as his own.  His blankets or "woobies" come in all colors, blue, white, seafoam green, yellow, purple and he has even taken over his sister's pink woobie.  When he holds his woobie, he often sucks his thumb for comfort.  He says he LOVES his woobie and will often ask to take it out of the house on a car ride.  We have to be careful and make sure he keeps it in the house for night time because we don't want him to go sucking his thumb in public.  I'm glad we don't have a lot of problems with socks or tags sticking out of the back, but we usually get shirts that don't have the tag. 

When Dale (Michael's half brother who is now 22 years old) lived with us back in Maryland, we had a lot of taste/texture sensory issues with him.  He never wanted to put any kind of sauce on anything.  One day I was making Dale a hamburger and asked him if he wanted cheese on it.  I thought he had said, "Yes", but was sorely mistaken when I delivered the cheeseburger to the table.  "What is THIS?"  Dale started having a melt down.  I quickly took it away and peeled the slice of cheese off the burger.  I gave the hamburger to Dale but didn't see a miniscule piece of cheese on the very corner.  He refused to eat the hamburger and that whole incident opened my mind to what the world of autism was really like.